To know a person - part 1

Do we ever really know another person? Apart from ourselves how can we know what's inside someone? Sometimes I wonder if I even know me...

Once upon a time I considered myself to be a good judge of character. I guess one could blame it on being young and more naive than I am now. Not sure if that explains it though. A few incidents have shook me and made me realise that us humans are a strange and mysterious breed.

In one of the first studentgroups I had as a techer I met a married couple from Iran. They were both such nice people. The woman was a bit shy and maybe not the best student. Her husband was a charismatic and super intelligent man. I liked them and was impressed by how eager they both were to make a new life for themselves here in Sweden.
Time passed and we had no contact (I very rarely have with former students) but then I ran into the woman in town some years later. She had a babycarriage and I was excited because I remembered that they so had wanted a child. So I approached her said hi and we hugged and then I congratulated her saying " you and your husband must be so happy". She gave me a sad smile and then told me the most awful story about what really had happened in her marriage behind close doors.
To make a very long story short I soon realised that this was something I had read about in the local newspaper. "University employee convicted of physically abusing a woman ". Turns out he had always abused her in all possible ways. And when she could not give him a child he imported a new wife from Iran, but before his new bride came here he executed his male right(NOT my words) to have sex whenever he wanted with his ex. Unfortunately she became pregnant and that was not part of the plan now with the new young wife coming. So he simply tried to force her to have an abortion and when that did not work he beat her, kicked her in the belly, slammed her into the wall etc - she almost lost both her life and the child.
I saw the world spinning around me, my face froze into some silly smile - and what was I to say? How awful...poor you...that is terrible...and I think that was when I first realised that one can never truly know a person.

The second lesson was 2005...when I asked my partner of 15 years if he had met someone else and he said yes...